On Relationships I Think We Over-Think

If there is one area where you might NOT want to take advice from me…it’s relationships.

I tend to suck at them.

But I’ve had a few in my time and the experience of all that has led me to some conclusions.

I’m primarily talking about the amorous kind.

I read an interesting piece this morning shared by a friend of Srinivas Rao on relationships between men and women.

I read it several times and my take away came down to this…

(it was advice from a woman to a man…by the way)

Don’t give a woman what she wants (or what you think she wants), give her what she needs…

a MAN…

as opposed to a doormat.

OK, I can get on board with that. And I have done the opposite.

I have clamoured for love by catering to a woman’s every whim.

And it does tend NOT to work. Well, perhaps it will for a time, but in the end, usually disaster ensues.

And the person acting the part of doormat generally gets hurt much worse than the person wiping their soiled feet over you, again and again.

So, yes I will agree, men, it’s best we stand our ground.

Stand up for who we are and not allow their (the women, that is) ups and downs take us through a roller-coaster-like crisis of self identification and worth.

I’ve been on that one lately. No fun.

And if it ain’t fun, what’s the point?

But then again, are we not over-thinking a bit here?

Of course we need to take care of ourselves emotionally and not sacrifice our mental health for love.

If we don’t take care of ourselves, what good are we to anyone?

But relationships spark usually for very superficial physical attractiveness reasons.

After all, that’s about all you have to go on in the beginning.

And then things get more complicated as we begin to realize that there is a person behind that facade of attractiveness.

And that inner person may not fill up the outer shell that drew us in.

So, what to do?

The problem is that this is not going to happen just sometime…

it will happen every time.

It might take minutes, hours, days, weeks, or years…

but it will happen.

And when it does, what then?

Most of the time we bolt, don’t we? Which is why there is a divorce rate approaching 50%.

Or, we can anal-ize the many prickly nuances of the relationship in a vain attempt to come to some rational conclusions.

The truth of the matter is just this…relationships are damn hard.

Not just some of them…all of them.

I will agree with Srini’s friend (a very attractive lady by the name of Charmaine, by the way) that if being your own man is just not good enough, it’s probably time to say goodbye.

And that unless and until we try that…being our own man, that is…maybe we should stick it out for a while and see what happens.

OK, fine…I am on board with that one.

But being “our own man” isn’t going to cure the fact that relationships are going to get messy, ugly even…

And when they do, what should we do…

We stick with it.

If we have committed to this person…if we “love” this person…I believe that’s what must be done.

And, believe me, there will be lots of times like that!

That may be what being “a man” in the context of a relationship is really about.

There is a chapter in my eBook, School of Hard Knocks – 10 Lessons Learned, that says just this. That the number one killer of relationships is lack of respect…which I believe signifies a lack of commitment.

I don’t know what being me always is supposed to look like, still figuring that one out…but I do know what disrespect looks and feels like.

I am a simple minded guy and I like to boil things down to simple terms.

You can even call me old-fashioned…just don’t call me old!

And when it comes to relationships, I believe less over-thinking and more commitment and respect, is what’s really needed.

So, want to have a profoundly positive impact on your relationship? Try respect…the rest is mostly just chemical!

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