The Blog - Revolutionary Misfit

Compassion

April 24, 2013 by costaricaguy Leave a Comment

Passion can move you forward. Compassion will move you upward. I glanced at someone’s wall post from my Facebook feed this morning. The jest of it was a reaction to someone who had stupidly and indeed criminally hit a small child at a school bus stop and then kept on driving. Specifically the post commented that this person should never get out of jail. Really? What if it was an accident and the person was too scared to stop? Too scared to face the consequences? Have you ever been there? Have you ever tried to hide from the consequences of your actions because you knew that the pain of bearing them would be almost intolerable (it never is, but we often rationalize it so)? I have. When you begin to put the shoe on the other foot, your foot, compassion becomes a bit more natural doesn’t it?

Passion can move you forward. Compassion will move you upward.

I have unfortunately witnessed too often the “christian” attitude of compassion extending only so far as one’s ranking of the severity of the sin. If it passes a certain threshold of nastiness, compassion tends to be left by the wayside. But in all honestly we must be thankful that the author and finisher of the faith didn’t take the same approach. His compassion knew no such thresholds, now did it?

I have unfortunately witnessed too often the “christian” attitude of compassion extending only so far as one’s ranking of the severity of the sin.

Now we have the difficult situation of the Boston Marathon bomber. A nineteen year-old, who by all accounts seems to be a pretty normal kid. He really screwed up now didn’t he? People got hurt. Innocent people. 8-year old innocent people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time…the finish line of the Boston Marathon. So, can we find compassion in the face of a brutal act of terrorism against us, against ours? Hard stuff, huh?

My post this morning began with two statements and I believe them to be true. We say (I say) an awful lot about passion. How it is the key to success. Discover your passion! Live with passion! And so on. Yea that stuff is all well and good. It can actually work. The more passionate we are the better results we usually achieve. We can move forward on that vehicle.

But is that all this life is about? Moving forward? Achieving? Making it big? Living that life of our dreams? We all want that. I want that. But is that really what it is all about? I don’t think so….I hope not.

When I say compassion moves us upward I am not consciously speaking in religious terms. But nevertheless “compassion” is intertwined with spirituality. We exercise it not for any particular quid pro quo, but because it just feels like the right thing to do. It is associated with something I would tend to call “the greater good.” Passion just doesn’t get us to that point, but Com-passion does. Maybe that is why religion gives us the greatest example of it.

That should tend to raise its level of importance a bit, don’t you think?

Friendly or Just Weird?

March 25, 2013 by costaricaguy Leave a Comment

I am a casual observer of human behavior. I like to sit on the front porch and watch the people pass by on the street on their way to work, school, or whatever. I noticed recently that 99.99% of women will cross the street at exactly the same point. I demonstrated this to Lily and she offered an obvious reason. “They do that to avoid the sunlight that is hitting the other side,” she matter of factly informed. But why the exact same point, I inquired? She offered a reason for that too, but I really didn’t pay much attention. Then there is that 1 out of 1000 exception (well, if you do the math correctly, that would be 1 out of 10,000 according to my very non-scientifically gathered statistics). Why does that person NOT cross the street as do the others? And then there are the men. Some cross, some don’t. Go figure.

I noticed another phenomenon during my caffeine enhanced morning observations of human doings. And that is that under a certain threshold of age, let’s say around 30, no one dares to say hello. Above that age there tends to be some form of greeting and the older the person gets, the more endearing becomes said greeting. It will go from the under 30 eyes straight ahead and maybe a bit of a threatening scowl, to a sightly over 30 grunt, to the 40’ish “buenos dias,” and as the age increases to say beyond 60, an actual casual conversation (with the old dude offering a witty one liner delivered in Ross Perot-like fashion). Why is that? Of course, non-adults exhibit a completely different dynamic altogether, with the under 10 crowd behaving more like the over 60’s and the adolescents more like the under 30’s….tends to be an inverse relationship to the adults, with friendliness increasing as age decreases.

Of course the easy explanation is that younger men in particular still have to prove their manliness (and for the opposite sex, their indifference-ness) and being unfriendly is, I guess, more macho. Granted I am doing nothing here to provoke a response, just observing. If I exerted some form of potential influence, the experiment would be totally blown. The younger crowd, tends to view human interaction as more of a competitive threat than an opportunity for engagement. And of course the questions is, why is that? The answer to that may provide solutions to riddles of life that often lead to wars and pestilences.

Being friendly I am afraid is all too often seen and felt as either weakness or weirdness. After all people are not to be trusted. It is a real jungle out there and I got to get mine before that guy get’s his. Because as we all know, there is only a limited amount of stuff to be gotten, not nearly enough for everyone to have, well, enough. Dog eat dog baby. Eye for an eye! And all that utter malarkey. So being friendly just tends to be sloughed off as something reserved for weaklings and weirdos. Like the old guy who just sits on the corner, smiling and waiving at all the passersby.

Being friendly I am afraid is all too often seen and felt as either weakness or weirdness.

But couldn’t the world use a little more weakness (let’s change that to meekness, as that sounds a little less….weak) and friendliness?

After all, Jesus himself said (paraphrasing a bit here), “blessed are the weak and the weird.” Wouldn’t we all be a little better off if we could stop competing long enough to just smile and say hello? Is that really that hard? Seems so, at least for those with most of their brain cells still intact. Maybe we could learn to use those less for money and mayhem and more for simple kindness, meekness and generosity. What do you think?

Putting Why into Words

February 24, 2013 by costaricaguy Leave a Comment

Just finished Simon Sinek’s Start with Why. Great book by the way and highly recommended for anyone who can read (and if you can’t, there’s an audible version too!). However, I will have to admit that now that I have read the book, I am more confused than ever. But as Tony Robins used to say in his seminars, if you feel confused, rejoice, you’re close to a breakthrough. Sinek even tells us straight up that answering “the why” question is extremely difficult. It is difficult because the answer is buried deep within our limbic brains. That is the part of the brain that governs motivation and emotion, but has no capacity for language. It is where the why resides, but it does not provide the capacity of putting the why into words.

Yet, we need to put it into words. So Sinek’s book has sparked a struggle to do just that. Actually, I have struggled in the past with things like mission and vision statements, or statements of life’s purpose. I actually have one that I created during the Anthony Robbins, Date with Destiny seminar in Miami, Florida back in, what, I believe 2000? But the problem with those “statements” is that I believe they rarely ever get at the true why. They are usually more in line with the hows and whats, but not the whys.

What was particularly thought provoking towards the end of the book was the chapter on the Origins of Why, where Sinek compares metaphorically the process of getting to why with the English longbow, which must be pulled back in order to have the momentum to do the damage needed going forward. In other words, our whys are buried in the past. Yea Yea, I know I have been fond of using the phrase in this blog that “the past does not equal the future.” And it doesn’t. We certainly shouldn’t allow whatever has occurred in the past to limit our futures. But what we are talking about here is something that is buried in our brains and the reason it got there in the first place has everything to do with our past.

So this morning as I closed the book (or shut down the IPad), I began the process of thinking through how the past events of my life have shaped my why. Because, as I sit here this morning I still really can’t seem to find the capacity to rationally express, in cogent fashion, what the hell my why is. And it is frustrating. Why have I taken the actions over the course of my life that I have taken? More often than not, those actions have been driven by how or what. Such as how do I use this law degree to provide for my family and what job offer will I take to provide a practical platform to do just that. But leading with hows and whats generally means settling for something that is just not in line with why.

Leading with hows and whats generally means settling for something that is just not in line with why.

And that is where dissatisfaction and disillusionment usually begin to set in. Or, even worse, despair and depression, which ultimately lead to poorer decisions in the vain attempt to get those “monkeys” off our backs (so we just end up replacing them with others). When all the while, if we just knew why and could actually communicate it to ourselves and others, our lives could finally make sense. We could finally achieve the momentum to do some real damage (in the positive sense).

So I encourage you (as well as me) to (1) read the book and then (2) spend some serious soul searching time putting why into words. It may make all the difference in finally getting the ladder leaning on the right wall.

A Signal in the Noise

February 22, 2013 by costaricaguy Leave a Comment

I hate clutter, including the clutter that often exists between my own two ears. A house full of clutter is distracting to me. There are many examples of my clutter-phobia. For instance, I cannot cook if the kitchen is not spotless before I begin. Just having dirty dishes laying around makes the experience of cooking one more of disgust than delight. And I do love to cook…..albeit, in a clean kitchen. I marvel at those who can get any work done with a desk that is piled to the ceiling with papers that probably should have been tossed years before. I just find it much more liberating to work via a clean desk with only essential items thereupon. Maybe I am weird that way, but I don’t like clutter.

Having set that stage, I must go on to say that my life is full of clutter. Maybe that is why I often feel extremely anxious. The clutter I am now speaking of isn’t the kind that exists on a desk, or in a kitchen (those magnets of clutter are easy enough to clean out). I am talking about the clutter of the past. Those consequences of past poor decisions that linger on. Problems that you wish would go away but never do. I made a list of those the other day and I will have to say, cleaning out that clutter is gonna take some doing. It won’t be easy, but I believe it is essential for me to be free from the constraints of clutter.

Because clutter really does constrain. It creates noise. And to borrow a phrase from the wise folks at 37signals (and their blog, Signal Vs. Noise), it is very hard to detect the signal in the noise. What signal you ask? Well I guess I mean those insights that sometimes lead to great leaps forward. The more clutter you have around you in your physical world, as well as internal mental state, the less likely you are to perceive those insights. One habit that I am trying to develop to clear the clutter is meditation. Now I am not one of those who believe mediation is the path of enlightenment and salvation. I don’t take it that seriously. But it is a great practice that once you get the hang of (and believe me it takes some practice), can help you detect those signals drowned out in the noise of past and present existence.

The more clutter you have around you in your physical world, as well as internal mental state, the less likely you are to perceive those insights.

If you’re gonna try it here is my advice (or, what works for me).

1. Do it early in the morning when the sounds that are most prevalent are only those of nature. Nature doesn’t seem to present noise, as does everything else. Even though here in Costa Rica every morning nature presents a veritable symphony of sound, there is something calming and focusing about it. At least for me.

2. Do it sitting in an upright position on something soft and comfortable, but don’t get too comfortable, or you will fall asleep (and sleeping doesn’t count). I use the lotus sitting pose, but it certainly is not some sort of spiritual requisite.

3. Breath uniformly and deeply. Just the very fact of breathing this way has health benefits and can get the day started right for you.

4. Keep the eyes closed and focus on your breath. I like to pause at the top of each breath (the inhale) for a moment and then at the bottom (the exhale). Just the mere fact of consciously doing that helps keep the mind on the breath and not wandering about aimlessly.

5. However, your mind will wander. And when it does, don’t judge yourself (and don’t quit). Just gently bring it back to the breath every time it drifts off. Getting good at focusing the mind on the breadth is the hardest part, but the one with the most benefits.

6. Use an interval timer. Many can be downloaded to IPhones or IPads (just Google “meditation timer”).

7. Start out with a reasonable amount of time. Maybe 15 minutes. You can increase as you feel comfortable.

8. Do it every day. That is essential to making it a habit and getting the most out of it. Also, it helps instill the habit of rising early because without a doubt that is the best time of the day to do it.

I have tried various meditation techniques over the years, such as guided meditation and visualization. However, I believe the simple technique described above works best. Try it and maybe those signals will start coming through the noise of your life a little clearer.

photo credit: Dmitry Rostovtsev via Compfight cc

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